You’re in a Serious Relationship with a Narcissist. Now What?

No one ever tells us how to identify a narcissist early on, so once the reality sets in that your serious significant other is a full-blown narcissistic abuser, it can be a shocking and isolating experience. However, identifying the signs is the first step to getting your personal life back on track. Chances are, as a result of this treacherous path, your priorities and self-care habits are askew. Now is the time to reassess what is most important to you and to regain back your power as a strong independent individual that you were before the relationship. Once you’ve re-identified the essentials for yourself (your gym routine, self-care regimen, spending habits, personal hobbies, time for yourself, friends and family), it’s now time for the hard part— setting boundaries.

Drawing Boundaries

Knowing your boundaries and drawing your boundaries are of utmost importance, when you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist. Drawing boundaries with a narcissist can be a difficult and challenging process, but it is an important step in protecting yourself and maintaining healthy relationships. Narcissists are known for their tendency to manipulate, control, and exploit others for their own gain, which can make it challenging to set and maintain boundaries. This is the key ingredient to diminishing their bad behavior toward you or may even allow for the narcissist to eliminate themselves.

Here are some tips for drawing boundaries with a narcissist:

1. Know your boundaries: The first step in drawing boundaries with a narcissist is to know what your boundaries are. This means understanding your values, beliefs, and limits and being clear about what you will and will not tolerate.
2. Be assertive: When setting boundaries with a narcissist, it is important to be assertive and clear about your expectations. Narcissists are often skilled at manipulating and twisting conversations to suit their needs, but being assertive can help you stay focused on your boundaries and prevent them from taking advantage of you. If speaking your mind about topics that matter to you angers the person you’re in a relationship with, understand that it is a one-way street.
3. Stick to your boundaries: Once you have set your boundaries, it is important to stick to them. This means being consistent and firm in your expectations and not allowing the narcissist to manipulate or guilt you into changing your mind. Become your boundaries! Live eat, and breathe your boundaries! If your boundaries are firm, your abuser will have no option to negotiate them. Plus, it will become very clear overtime that if your narcissist is attempting to utilize abuse tactics on you, your boundaries will be intolerable to them.
4. Communicate clearly: When communicating with a narcissist, it is important to be clear and direct. Avoid using vague language, beating around the bush or giving mixed signals, as this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness and may encourage the narcissist to push your boundaries.
5. Focus on self-care: Drawing boundaries with a narcissist can be emotionally draining, so it is important to prioritize self-care. This may include activities you practice before the relationship (maintaining your workout regimen, skin routine, and healthy diet), seeking support from friends, family or a therapist, and engaging in independent activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Your significant other does not have to accompany you to each and every micro event. Additionally, venting to your friends and family is absolutely necessary to put things in perspective! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. This is just as effective as talking to a therapist when it comes to finding relief for the mental burdens you carry in this type of relationship. An abuser will absolutely not want you to tell anyone else what they have been up to with you and it will be obvious to yourself and others once you start saying it out loud. It’s a necessary step in finding the out and support that you need to restore a healthy mind state.
6. Consider professional help: If you are struggling to draw boundaries with a narcissist, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide you with the tools and support you need to set and maintain healthy boundaries and navigate difficult relationships.

Drawing boundaries with a narcissist can be a challenging process, but it is an important step in protecting yourself and maintaining healthy relationships. By knowing your boundaries, being assertive and clear in your communication, and prioritizing self-care, you can establish healthy boundaries and maintain your emotional well-being in the face of narcissistic behavior.

Prepare for the Break up

Breaking up with a narcissist can be a difficult and painful process, but it is often necessary for your emotional and mental well-being. Narcissists are known for their manipulative and controlling behavior, which can make it challenging to prepare for a breakup and navigate the aftermath.

Here are some tips for preparing for a breakup with a narcissist:

6 Ways to Recognize Narcissism Early On

1. Understand narcissistic behavior: Before breaking up with a narcissist, it is important to understand their behavior. Narcissists are often skilled at manipulating others, which can make it difficult to leave the relationship or even recognize that narcissistic abuse is taking place. Understanding their behavior can help you prepare for the breakup and reduce the chances of being manipulated or guilted into staying in the relationship.
2. Build a support system: Breaking up with a narcissist can be emotionally challenging, so it is important to build a support system before the breakup. This may include friends, family members, or a therapist who can provide emotional support and guidance throughout the process. Call up that friend that offered a room at one point and take them up on their offer. Tell a sibling that you plan on leaving your significant other so that they can check in with you. Have a friend or two that you are in constant touch with so you can reach out if things get really difficult.
3. Develop a plan: It is important to develop a plan before breaking up with a narcissist. This may include finding a safe place to stay, gathering important documents, and making arrangements for any shared assets or responsibilities. Sometimes at the end of a relationship, it may be too late to plan for division of assets in a clean way. That’s why it’s important to plan ahead and make sure you do not immerse yourself financially to the point where you can’t easily walk away from the relationship. At this point, if you failed to plan, then you must expect to walk away and cut your losses. You may need to involve law enforcement if your narcissist is not willing to leave peacefully and they can assist with scheduling a move out time for them to come by and they will maintain order. If you’re the one that has to move out, take what’s in your name and leave what’s not. The rest will work itself out.
4. Consider legal action: If you are concerned about your safety or the safety of your children, it may be necessary to consider legal action. This may include obtaining a restraining order, scheduling a police attended move out date or seeking legal advice regarding custody or financial issues. Many times, if you find yourself in a physically threatened position when attempting to separate from a narcissistic abuser, an emergency restraining order is all you need to show a landlord to release you or your partner from a lease to have them evicted or allow you to move out without financial obligation.

The Bottom Line

In conclusion, breaking up with a narcissist can be a challenging and emotional process, but it is often necessary for your emotional and mental well-being. By understanding narcissistic behavior, building a support system, developing a plan, setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and considering legal action if necessary, you can prepare for a breakup with a narcissist and navigate the aftermath with greater ease and confidence.

Share this with anyone you know that may be in a serious relationship with a narcissist…